17/06/2014

Blogger Rules That Must Be Obeyed {The Birdie Rules}



Blogging is not as easy as it looks. Being a blogger isn't simply about writing up quick reviews on your thoughts of a book – it's about being part of a community and creating posts that are fun and inspire discussion. 

There's a lot more to being a book blogger than some people might think, and a lot of us struggle with it at times. With great power, comes great responsibility after all. And what greater responsibility is there than blogging? Answer: NOTHING. Not one thing in the world is more important.

With that in mind, I've come up with some tips 'n' tricks for inspiring bloggers and beginners just starting out in the big bad blogosphere.

The below tips may not work for everybody, due to them being unquestionably counterproductive. I will not substitute lost followers with cookies of any kind. Except maybe raisin. I'll give you raisin.



Memes should be the foundation of your blog. The cement holding the bookish bricks together, you could say. It's important to do a meme for each day, so that your blog is always full of fresh and original content. 


ARCs are the best part of blogging and publishers should be sending you a constant supply. If for some reason your weekly shipment is late, or publishers haven't contacted you asking for an address to send the books they want you to review, be sure to email them asking for all the books you are owed. YOU NEED THESE FREEBIES. No real book blogger doesn't have ARCs. If publishers get restraining orders, sign up to NetGalley and request everything you can from there. Even things you've no real interest in.


Look, if you don't like a book it's quite obvious it's because the author is stupid. And a horrible person. And just generally a waste of space. Be sure to put this in your review to warn other readers of what a disgraceful human being the author is for writing such a book. And then tweet your review to the author, so they can work on bettering themselves.


It's important to post every day, or followers will lose interest. In fact, the more posts per day, the better. Try to have a post for each meal, so followers can enjoy your awesomeness while eating and will then forever associate your blog with being delicious. If you are good enough to post at least four times in one day (and, really, there's no excuse not to), then that means you don't have to post again for another couple of weeks. It all evens out.


Commenting on people's blogs is hard and also hardly worth it (see what I did there?). Just visit their latest post and put something generic like 'good post' or 'Yeah. Me too!'.  Or, even better, 'Thanks for the giveaway'. They'll be so thrilled you deigned to comment, they'll follow your blog straightaway and leave lengthy comments on all of your posts.


Refresh your blog page constantly so that you know the minute somebody has commented on one of your posts. Then check your stats page and marvel at all the page views. Who cares if they're your own? It still counts.


It's all about quantity, not quality. Be sure to get the posts out fast, and don't waste time reading them over and checking for errors or spelling. Nobody knows how to spell anyway – their iPhones do all the work, so they'll appreciate the fact that you don't have autocorrect on your computer.


Don't respond to comments on your blog, because you're far too busy and just don't have the time to get back to all of your fans. Plus it makes you look needy and unprofessional. You've got to treat 'em mean to keep 'em keen, after all. If you ignore them, they'll keep coming back to comment again in the hopes that that will be the time you respond.


Not a lot of people have the time to read, so help them out a bit and tell them everything about the book in your review. Fill them in on all the interesting plot twists and unexpected surprises, so that they don't have to waste time reading the book themselves. This means they'll have more time to comment on your posts.


Did I miss anything? Any more tips you guys want to share?

Happy blogging everyone!



 



Allie is a Pimm's-obsessed reader, who dreams of road tripping over America, learning to surf & becoming fluent in all the languages of her heritage (which, sadly, does not include Elvish). If she's not reading or blogging, you can find her catching up on Teen Wolf, or reigning supreme with Scrabble/Mario Kart. Stalk her on twitter, instagram or goodreads.




53 comments:

  1. I loved your last post like this and this one is just as funny as the previous one lol. Publisher restraining orders :'D LOLOLOLOL. And yesss!!! IF YOU DO NOT HAVE A MEME FOR EVERY DAY, WE ARE DONE! *clicks unfollow* And yes! Because my taste is flawless *hairflip* and the author should clearly know better than to write such a horrible book >.< they are clearly not fit to be a writer. UGH. YAYYY. My comments are always "good post"-alike, because that's how you roll when trying to make good friends. Plus, it works for every post *gasp* Seriously, works for memes, reviews, discussions--everything. It's universal! SPOILERS FTW!!!!! Seriously though, this is all in good fun and if someone reading this comment didn't get our sarcasm, oh well. In all seriousness though, I don't usually comment on my own blog because it takes up so much time since (as you can tell), my comments on other people's blogs are extremely long and thorough so I'd rather make their day than raise my stats and if I want to tell them something? Well, I just look them up on twitter (not hard since most of you are my homies anyway lol) :) LOVE THIS POST GIMME MORE PLS.

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    1. Blogs that don't meme each day anger me. Heck, I'm angry at myself for not being committed enough to do it. I disgust myself bwahaha

      Ahh I enjoy you letting me know things on twitter - it's more personal and that way we can have a bit of back and forth. LOVE THE BACK AND FORTH WITH MA HOMIES ;D

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  2. This was hilarious! Of course, these are things you shouldn't do, to a point, but it was still hilarious none the less! I know some people that post four small things a day, every day and it really throws me, I currently have another 15 posts to look at after yours and if everyone posted four, well, I'd be dead! Hilarious Tips would be: leave links to your posts, even if they're not related to that bloggers posts, tell them what they're missing, or stalking your favourite bloggers until they befriend you or ignore you :P

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    1. People who post multiple times a day throw me off. It's like, be patient and spread out your content so there's stuff for people to enjoy throughout the week. Nobody wants a week's worth of stuff chucked at their face in one go!

      I've never had people link things up in comments! Haha, that's actually quite funny.

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  3. Hahaha oh Allie that was hilarious! I laughed out loud and it was awesome. Those comment baiters are really annoying, everyone sees them. I find it hard to keep up with blogs that post more than once a day!

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    1. Comment baiters are the worst because I know they haven't even read the post and it kind of makes me sad, that they didn't even bother to read it so we could have a discussion or open some form of dialogue.

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  4. Tears. This is really funny. I hope no one takes this too serious though :P

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    1. I've put the raisin disclaimer at the top! They should take care of any lawsuits ;)

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  5. This was awesome-I seriously laughed out loud and now my kids think I'm a loon :D

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    1. Ahh that's okay, my family have known about my looniness for years, so join the club! ;)

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    1. Totally kidding. I've know a few bloggers to be guilty of these "rules." Blogging isn't easy and it's not for everybody. It's definitely one of the most time consuming hobbies I've held, but I love it - extra work and all.

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    2. LOL. Nicely done there!!!

      Blogging is definitely a hobby that requires so much work. I don't think people realise how much effort goes into it. I know some people I know are like 'don't you just type up a few paragraphs on whether a book is good or not?' . . . *tumbleweed* . . . 'NO IT MUST BE INSIGHTFUL AND DETAILED AND THEN THERE ARE DISCUSSION POSTS TO BE MADE AND DEBATES TO BE HAD AND OTHER BLOGS TO VISIT AND THE WHOLE SOCIAL MEDIA ASPECT AND AHHHHHH SCHEDULING'.

      Nobody knows our pain :p

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  7. Good opportunity to get rid of all the raisins in the house. ;) I can take them on their own, but when they're mixed with other foods? Ew. Anyway, this was hilarious! I really hate to harp on it, but I can't stand it when all a blog does is memes and blog tours. Um... did you start a blog just to post unoriginal stuff that hundreds of other people are doing? But wait, that's the rebellious side of me talking. I totally agree that all blogs should have all the memes! A meme a day keeps the followers away -- sorry, I meant keeps the followers comin'!

    *sigh* Authors these days. Some of them graduated from Yale or Stanford, and yet they still don't know how to write a single fricking story that is actually good. I believe it is totally legit to let them know our true feelings, so they either snap back at us and cause a lot of entertaining drama that makes everyone excited, or go write children's books from now on. Seriously.

    "Commenting on people's blogs is hard and also hardly worth it" -- What the hell am I doing?! I shouldn't be typing up a comment this long! I'm breaking the sacred blogging code! But I guess this is going to get me a "Thanks for the giveaway" comment on my blog and I'll be so damn happy that people even took the time to write that awesome comment. People like this are wonderful. Rays of fucking sunshine that make my day.

    Darn, I've been blogging wrong all these years. I knew something was off the moment I started getting lengthy comments and when every blog I visited had purfec spelig. Sirously. Now I hav bin enlihtend.

    (In all seriousness: LOVED THIS POST.)

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    1. Those raisins were startign to go off anyway, so I might as well chuck them in some 'don't sue me' cookies!

      Blog tours . . . Man. Those are far and few between here and I only do them for books I have faith in (so, basically, I rarely do them :P). When I first started out blogging I was all about the tours, but I learnt my lesson after a couple of months.

      And yeah! Authors. God. They're so lame and they never write the stories I want them to. It's so cheeky. They're clearly just lazy and unimaginative. After all, if I don't like something, that means nobody else in the world will like it!

      And dude. If you're hosting a giveaway, I'm about to go over there and enter it and just put 'thanks' in the comments. NOTHING ELSE ;) Oh, and then after the giveaway is over, I'll unfollow you on twitter / Bloglovin', because I only followed to gain extra giveaway entries LOL

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  8. HAHAHA! This just got bookmarked! Yup, GENIUS! Spelling and mistakes are the ones that make me so sad, I check my posts before I schedule them AND I have spell-checker on Chrome so I don't get how mistakes and wrong words still find their ways into my posts. But, thankfully, that's one of your rules so I'm all good ;)

    Oh, how I adore those 'Great post! :)' comments, they are my absolute favourite. I instantly follow that person and go write them a books worth of comments on every post they've ever written ;)

    I'd also add: Have a ton of book cover reveal and book blitz posts because that's what people really want to see - a bunch of information about a book you haven't read yourself.

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    1. Haha that actually does happen to me too, I'll admit. I re-read my posts a GAZILLION times and they look fine and dandy. Then, a week or so later I'll be re-reading the post for whatever reason and THERE. A typo. A big glaring typo taunting me. I think blogger actually goes back and adds the typos to my post or something :P

      OMG YES ABOUT THE BOOK BLITZ POST. I swear, half of the cover reveals etc. are of books people haven't read and never plan to. What is the point of promoting a book you probably won't like yourself??

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  9. 'Thanks for the giveaway'! My favourite of ALL blog comments. Nothing beats a 'Thanks for the giveaway'. ;)

    Haha, I love this post! Thanks for the laughs, Allie. Just what I needed today. :)

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    1. Right? Or if you have an entry option that tells you to name your favourite book in the comments or something, and then they just put their favourite book and NOTHING ELSE. No hello, or acknowledgement of the post, or praise or anything. Those are golden haha

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  10. Hah, this is hilarious. Lets just hope nobody takes these as REAL rules. ;)

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    1. I'll be baking a lot of raisin cookies if they do!

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  11. Well at first I came hear with the intention to just write "good post" because I know it doesn't take much for you to comment on my meal timed ARC review posts. I just love ranting about idiot authors and tellin bookish secrets. But now I'm conflicted because I don't want to seem to needy by coming all the way over here to visit your blog... guess I'll just go back to my blog now and hit refresh, waiting for your future comment cause I totally have a review going up later this week ;)

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    1. 'Good post' comments are my favourite, because they make me feel validated and appreciated. 'Great post' comments are even better, because then I feel like my post is extra special and really touched the heart of the commenter. I'm not sure why you've written a long paragraph actually engaging me in conversation, when you could have just said 'cool post' LOL.

      Maybe you should delete this comment so you don't seem needy? ;)

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  12. This is fantastic! Some of my Coke Zero may have just snorted out of my nose ;) A few weeks ago, I was reading a blog, and the blogger had specifically stated that she hadn't gotten any new books (you'd have had to read the post of course), and some random commenters just left "Enjoy your new books!". Seriously?

    I am kind of in love with this post (especially since I am picturing some maniacal blogger sitting in a dingy basement, eyes two inches from the screen, hitting refresh to up their page views while laughing like a hyena).

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    1. Well, at least it wasn't full fat coke, because what a waste of sugar that would have been!

      Oh man, the contradicting comments make me smile so much. I've actually had something similar on here and it just made me laugh and shake my head. I didn't want to call them out on not actually reading the post though, so instead I responded just as generically with 'thanks' or something like that!

      I'm imagining a blogger doing that too. Marvelling at having 100 page views in five minutes, and then scratching their heads as to how all of the 'viewers' seem to be from the same country as them

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  13. I like daily posts but not multiple posts, sometimes it seems overwhelming, especially when there are lots of posts in my bloglovin feed
    Missie @ A Flurry of Ponderings

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    1. Clogging up my Bloglovin' feed upsets me, because I'm just like 'dude, I want to see the other blogs too!'

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  14. You almost had me there for a moment. I thought, "Well, that's strange advice ... Hmmm, ooookay ..." and then when I got to the third one: "Oh, thank God, she's kidding!" I was almost very worried for you! :-)

    Nicole @ Feed Your Fiction Addiction

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    1. LOL. You must've thought I'd had a bit too much sugar that morning!

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  15. Yeah. Me too!

    ;)

    I try to reply to all the comments I get, but if someone is giving me nothing to work with, I get a little meh. :/ Being original and witty a thousand times isn't always easy, but you gotta try. Or just don't comment and tweet it instead! It's at least something positive!

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    1. A lot of folks are doing the twitter thing lately, which I actually really like because it means there's more space for conversation about the discussion :)

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  16. Oh my gosh...those people who don't post memes every 2 hours are so annoying! I mean...it makes me feed feel so empty!

    Ehem...moving on...

    This post is just so full of win Allie! I can relate to so many of these rules; and I'm sure other book bloggers can too. (Especially the good old "Great post! Want to read mine?" comment. Those are always the best!) Thanks for sharing! <3

    ~ Zoe @ The Infinite To-Read Shelf

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    1. HAHA YES! 'I love your post, now read mine'. Plugging comments just amaze me, because they do actually take some bravery. I'd never have the audacity to do that

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  17. Ok this is seriously hilarious :) Gotta share so we all can laugh at ourselves. Cause you know we made some mistakes when we were starting out.

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    1. Exactly! I was guilty of a couple of these myself when I first started out - like requesting everything from NetGalley etc. It's nice to look back and realise how silly we were!

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  18. Oh god Allie i just laughed out loud reading this post! Very cheeky and sweet and so honest. I kind of want to show this post to some bloggers as a hint and be like EHEMM READ THIS! lol

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    1. LOL. Maybe screenshot it and email it to them anonymously ;)

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  19. HOW DARE YOU MAKE MY STOMACH HURT WITH ALL THE LAUGHING, ALLIE! *stabs with a lollipop*

    Gee, people who don't post at least three times a day should move to some sort of blogging prison. And pay a fine with the ARCs they probably don't have since they didn't beg enough! >:( Hahahaha! Seriously though, this post = my day has been made. ;)

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    1. LOL, hey you quit stabbing people with lollies, Aimee! You're going to poke somebody's eye out one of these days.

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  20. I was so confused at first, hehe. Then I realized these mostly ridiculous tips were of the comical variety. I just found your blog and I'm really enjoying it! The layout and colors are great! And clearly, your personality and sense of humor are, too! I shall continue browsing your posts! Also, I followed.

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    1. Oh, thank you! That's awesome. I'm so glad you're enjoying having a little tour of the blog :)

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  21. THIS WAS ABSOLUTELY HILARIOUS!
    its embarrassing to think that i actually do some of the staff you mentioned (like refresh every few minutes to see if there is a new comment). but hay, we all have our own little nerdy quirks, no!? :)
    GREAT POST!
    Boyanna @The Bookmaidens

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    1. Haha, sometimes if I'm bored at work I'll refresh the blog too. Buuut I have the 'don't count my own pageviews' thing on, so it's all good ;)

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  22. You should totally just copy paste the same comment and put it on every single blog you can find. Because it's a great method of promotion right?!

    AHAHAHA I LOVE THIS POST SO MUCH. ♥

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    1. OMG. Thank you for that tip! Man, that'll save me so much time and energy ;)

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  23. "...if you don't like a book it's quite obvious it's because the author is stupid."
    Noted :)
    Brava!

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    1. It's a fact I don't feel is well-known. It's my job to educate people on this truth

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  24. You should also add to the rules: Comment something along the lines of "Your post was interesting, ____ (this is probably not your name). I follow you on Bloglovin'. Please be sure to follow and visit my blog, thanks". This is really annoying. Gah. I only comment on posts if I have something to say... I REALLY love these rules and I'll probably print them out and paste them on my wall or something. xD

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    1. HAHA. Oh, the shameless plug posts are the best. Like 'yeah your blog is good . . . NOW READ ALL OF MY STUFF'.

      Put them above your bed so you can memorise them every night before you sleep ;)

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  25. "Try to have a post for each meal, so followers can enjoy your awesomeness while eating and will then forever associate your blog with being delicious." hahaha yes! I think it's so weird when blogs actually do post 3 posts a day, like a review and a blitz post and some other promo thing. SO MUCH STUFF. This was so much fun!

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    1. YES! What is that nonsense? I feel like my entire blog feed is of just one person haha

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  26. Remember how much I love your blog? Cuz I do.

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    1. Remember how much I love you? CUZ I DO

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